I walked into my kitchen and looked around to see every available counter space covered – not with appliances, not with fruit or veggies, but with cake! Cake, cake, cake! Chocolate cake, vanilla cake, strawberry cake, red velvet cake, cheesecake! Cake as far as the eye could see. And there, in the very center of them all – three layers deep – each layer sweetly separated by thick creamy swirls of chocolate buttercream – is THE CAKE – the mother of them all – my homemade yellow cake with chocolate buttercream icing! I cut a piece so big you could barely see my hand anymore over the depth of the icing! I lean in, my mouth watering as I imagined that first luscious taste of vanilla and cocoa and butter… and suddenly I’m awake! Dang! I didn’t even get to taste it!
That was how my morning started at 7:45 this morning! The funny thing is before my surgery I really didn’t have that big of a sweet tooth – I was more of a salty and savory person – show me cookies and I’d pass them up, but offer me chips and dip and we could’ve been in trouble. But, now that I don’t eat sugar, I crave sweets. But, not all sweets… CAKE! There’s just something about cake that sometimes I just want so bad it almost kills me! And not just any cake… MY homemade vanilla cake with homemade buttercream icing! Honestly, I’m only a passable cook. Which is fine. I HATE cooking. But, I love to bake! And my vanilla cake and buttercream is pretty yummy! What brought on the dream? I have NO IDEA! But, it’s probably a good thing I wasn’t home most of the day or there would probably be a half eaten cake sitting on the counter now… NOT GOOD!
So, no cake for Breakfast for me! Just my usual protein shake! I was a good girl!
So then I was off to the doctors to finally pick up my fibro meds! Yay! I tried to be on top of the water situation and as I grabbed my protein bar to go, I also grabbed a Vitamin water for in the car! It still took me longer than I’d like to get through it, but at least I had a little head start!
Picking up my meds ended up being an emotional moment. I received a letter a couple of weeks ago that my doctor is leaving. He’s taking a very prestigious position as head of the department at a very well known University. It’s a wonderful move for his family and for his career. But, it broke my heart when I heard! I’ve been with him for about 12 years or so. He is a rare, rare find as doctors go, especially in the treatment of fibromyalgia. He understands his patients on a very deep level and show tremendous caring and compassion. He has gone to great lengths to seek out types of treatment for me and is not afraid to think outside the box. When I stopped in today it was just to pick up meds, I don’t actually have another appointment for another week and a half. So, I asked his secretary, Amy, whom I know fairly well, when his last day was, hoping I’d see him on my next appointment to properly say goodby. She said it was Monday. Well, suddenly that just hit me and my throat tightened and my eyes watered and I just started to lose it. Thankfully Amy was very understanding of this insane emotional woman! I waited a few moments to see if he’d have a moment free, but, unfortunately, he did not. Maybe it’s just as well. I probably would have turned into a total basket case then! I cried in the car, mourning his loss as my doctor for the next 10 minutes or so. But, I’m thankful to know that such a wonderful, caring man will be training the next generation of doctors!
All this emotion worked up an appetite! Good thing I packed that protein bar or I might have been tempted by that Dairy Queen I just passed! But, the protein bar did the job and now a “quick” stop at Clothes Mentor for their clearance sale.
Clothes Mentor was having an excellent sale! Racks and racks of things marked down to $3 and $5. There was a rack of adorable summer sundresses! They were the kind of dresses I envied on “skinny” girls before I lost weight. I grabbed three – a Betsey Johnson, a Sam Edelman and a Trina Turk and took them with the rest of my bundle to the dressing room. I’ve come to know my size really well. Everything should have fit perfectly. But, nothing ever goes as planned! I tried on those dresses that…well, they kinda sorta fit. Kinda. You know, people think if I just lose XX amount of pounds everything will be better. I’ll be happy. I’ll be confident. All my body issues will go away. Well, let me tell you, even Christie Brinkley has body issues. (I know, I read her book!) So, I tried these adorable dresses on and “technically” they fit. But, there I stood in the Clothes Mentor dressing room having a mini-body issue melt down. Why? Do you remember yesterday we talked about the need to tone after weight loss surgery? Or any large weight loss? The issue no one wants to talk about… loose skin! You can tone muscle all you want. But, loose skin is a sad fact of weight loss surgery and large amounts of weight loss. You CANNOT tone the loose skin. You CANNOT lose it. You do the best you can to tone the muscle underneath, but that’s all you can do. In truly extreme cases, most insurance companies will pay for the surgery to remove it. But, I am not even remotely in the ballpark to be considered an extreme case. I am just enough to mortify myself when I try to put on a cute little Sam Edelman sundress! But, I pulled myself together! I refused to let this defeat me or depress me! Is it beautiful? No, but what it represents is! It represents the victory God gave me over this weight and this illness! It represents the battle I fought! And I’m not going to let a sundress or two belittle the work and effort I put into now having that loose skin! So, I did not get the Sam Edelman or Trina Turk dresses. I did, however, get the Betsey Johnson one! It was cut just slightly different and with a cute little cardi or jacket it will work perfectly! So take that loose skin!
Lunch: One more thrift store stop, where I found all shoes half price, and then it was home to my pup and a late Lunch! For lunch, since I had taken that sugar free bread out yesterday, I took the rest of my egg salad out and had another 1/4 C. of egg salad on a piece of the sugar free bread and a 1/4 C. of cucumber salad. All that shopping must have made me extra hungry because I topped it off with a 1/4 C. of Halo Top Red Velvet ice cream! It’s the best! If you haven’t tried Halo Top ice cream yet, go do it now! They average 5 – 6 g. of protein per serving, 60 – 90 calories and about 5 g. sugar and are sweetened with Stevia! They are a Bariatric patients dream! Great stuff for everyone watching what they eat.
All the running the last couple of days caught up to me, and I snuck in a small nap on the couch with Tucker! After I convinced him NOT to nap on my face, he was a very good cuddler! The afternoon was filled with puppy play, homework study, some clothes organization, texting with my girls, and finally picking up my youngest from work. Then home to make dinner!
Dinner: Mr. T is having pizza tonight…I think he’d eat pizza 24/7 if you let him! I love pizza, too, but we need to low carb for MY lifestyle! So, I’m having zucchini pizzas! One of my favorite things in the world! It is frequently on my lunch rotation, also. I just take a good size zucchini, slice it length wise with my mandolin, set to its thickest setting, and cover it exactly like I would any pizza crust with all my favorite toppings. Things I frequently use…black olives, mushrooms, turkey pepperoni, Italian sausage, red pepper, green pepper and, of course, your sauce and mozzarella. And just bake until cheese is melted and veggies are tender. Trust me, you WILL NOT miss the crust!
Work out tonight was a 45 minute power walk through the development up above us! It was such a beautiful night – no excessive heat AND no rain! A rare thing lately here in the great state of Pennsylvania! I, also, like to switch up my work outs as much as possible.
#1 – it keeps me from getting bored.
#2 – It keeps your metabolism from “settling in” and thus slowing down.
#3 – it makes sure that different muscles and parts of the body are constantly be worked
(These last two I had been doing all along because, well, they just made sense to me. Then I read Christie Brinkley’s latest book on beauty and health and found that she recommends this as well for these very reasons! So there you go! Me and Christie Brinkley! Haha!)
And now it’s off to bed… a little later than usual. No turkey pepperoni and pepper jack tonight – I ran out! Horror of Horrors! Feels like an Atkins bar kinda night to me anyway! No muss, no fuss! I have one of the grandbabies for a bit in the morning so a little bit of pre-babysitting chocolate and a good night’s rest sounds like a plan to me!